(Backdated entry)
The time passed both too quickly and too slowly for Ourna. Too quickly, for she reveled in developing unfettered friendships with all of them, especially Kierhan. She rarely slept in her own room.
Too slowly, for part of her wanted to go back to her own world, despite all the pain. She cared for her friends outside. And there was poor cursed Tremaen. She idly wondered every now and then if he cared for her weapons for her, whether he hurt himself trying to draw Nakane (as she now knew the bow was called).
And too quickly again because she couldn't make herself decide. One moment, she was lost in the carefree life of Na Teaghlach. The next, guilty for being so. The sun haired ghost was always there, but never had an answer.
Finally, the day came when Keriam told her they had arrived.
Ourna stood in the main room clearing she had first seen an age ago. Sunlight, actual sunlight filtered through the upper branches, and she turned her face to it.
“You're supposed to speak to me, aren't you? Why are you silent now? Do you even care if I stay here? Where have you been in all my crisis? Why won't you tell me what you want of me?” She barely cared that her voice had a twinge of bitterness in it.
“I've tried,” said a dusky voice. “But you keep seeing what was and not what is. Open your eyes.”
Ourna looked around for the ghost, but saw nothing. For a time, she was left with only her own confused thoughts for company.
“You have eyes to see, ears to hear, a heart to feel and a mind to think. When all are going, it's hard to sort it all through, isn't it?”
Ourna turned to face the speaker, the chiming voice belonging to Keriam. The fey woman was dressed much as she was when Ourna first saw her. “I guess so. I don't know why I'm so tied up. I've always been so certain.”
“Or acted like you were even when you weren't. Such is the apparent burden of leadership.”
“You're the leader here, aren't you?” Ourna asked, with sudden understanding. It all made sense.
Keriam smiled with the weight of wisdom, an odd look for her. “Though sometimes I forget.”
“I can't say much against that, now can I?” Ourna was answered with a giggle.
Sighing, Ourna turned to the direction she thought she originally came from. “I just don't know what to do, Keriam.” Out of the corner of her eye, Ourna saw Keriam come to stand beside her, delicate hands tucked in sleeves.
“Might I give a suggestion? You don't strike me as a silly flipskirt girl, so stop thinking like one. This isn't, nor should it be, a choice between men.”
Ourna whipped her head toward Keriam. “I'm not…” she started, but snapped her mouth closed with an audible click.
“Aren't you? Take them out, then think on it.”
“Your brother won't like that.”
Keriam shrugged. “He'll survive. I'll be back soon.” And the fey woman was gone.
Hard as it was, Ourna stood, arms crossed, and did as advised, and found she had her answers all along. For a moment, the sun haired ghost stood in front of her again, only now interposed over a familiar small boy. This time, Ourna took a step forward and embraced the vision. Ghosts and voices vanished back into her.
When she heard a footstep behind her, Ourna expected Keriam. But it was Kierhan who approached, hair wild but beard trimmed. Without saying anything, he simply put his arms around her waist, and she rested her hands comfortably on his arms. She raised up on her toes, and kissed him softly, liking the way his beard scuffed at bit on her face.
“Stay,” he whispered finally.
She backed up just a bit, only to put a little distance between her and him but not completely lose the contact. “I'm sorry, Kierhan, I can't.” She swallowed a bit of a lump in her throat.
“It's him, isn't it, that Tremaen you speak of.” His voice was a bit harsh with some kind of emotion.
“No,” she responded gently. “It has nothing at all to do with him. I wasn't meant to stay here. I wasn't Chosen to live this life. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me, I have something to do, a promise to keep. I may lose sight of that from time to time, but even if I stand alone amongst enemies, I still must stand. For me, for them, and for Him.” It was clear who she was talking of, in a newfound understanding of what she was. The ghost hadn't been here to mock her, but to show her something. She took a deep breath before continuing. “No, Kierhan, I wasn't meant to stay here. And neither were you.”
His brow furrowed deeply, voice taking on the hint of suspicion, and pulled his hands back to his sides. “What do you mean?”
“Back home, there is this practice of building a small corral in the house to put children in while adults work, where they will stay safe and do not have to be watched every moment. Teleri told me your father made this place for you when you all were young, and you haven't seen him since, and given Keriam, has probably forgotten all about you. That's what the den is, Kierhan. A play corral built so your father wouldn't have to watch you.” Ourna let it all out in a rush, then waited.
Kierhan exploded, stepping back to her to try to loom. “Oh, you twist words well. A pretty lie to get me to come fight your fight with you, for you even, like the olden days. I've told you, I will not be a slave. Not to you, not to anyone.”
She swallowed back hurt and straightened her back. “After all…after everything, you still don't trust me. You sound like me in the throes of madness. ” Ourna's voice dropped to a harsh whisper. “I never said anything about coming with me. I had no intention of asking. Hoping you might, sure, but I would not ask it, and would not try to force the issue. So stay here, little boy. Stay in your corral and dance with your sisters, but know that if you do…if any of you do…you will be nothing but untried children for the rest of your days.”
Kierhan started a low growling noise in his throat, but whatever he was about to say or do was suddenly cut off by the chiming entrance of Keriam. “She's right, brother. I've known this since we were children. I should have told you, all of you, sooner, but I've been afraid. When I haven't forgotten completely.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, and said nothing.
“I forgive you, Kierhan. Goodbye. Perhaps we will meet again someday, out there.” Ourna stepped away to go wherever Keriam was about to lead her, and tried not to feel like she had a broken heart. She didn't have time for one.
The two women wove their way through mist and trees to a spot in the den Ourna had not seen. Branches wove themselves into an archway, and lying in front of it was a creature to top the rest in strangeness. It had the head of a woman, purple hair marking it part of this little family, but the body of a male lion. Ourna seemed to recall such a creature in some tale, and it liked riddles.
“Here she is, Annwyrn,” Keriam spoke coolly.
The sphinx regarded Ourna with unfeeling eyes, then spoke in a flat voice. “What is both the strongest foundation, yet can be as shifting as sand, as invisible as air, but can be as strong as steel? What is the ultimate truth that can be a lie?”
Without missing a beat, Ourna replied, “Faith.”
Annwyrn swung its head to Keriam with mouth in a hard line. “I told her nothing, as agreed, Annwyrn.”
It nodded, slowly. “Then let the test begin. Pass through the arch, and find the path that will lead you out, Torves Ourna. Keep your faith, and you will succeed. Falter and you will be lost. You may turn back now, but you will never see this place again.”
Ourna stepped resolutely through the wooden arch.
She stood in a garden, a small one, connecting a small house with a larger one. Garden was a generous description at this point, for it had only recently been planted, and the tree in the middle was but a stripling. The sun stood just above the horizon.
For a moment, Ourna was disoriented, as if something were not right here. She shook her head to clear the uncertainty and pulled her cloak closer in the morning chill. She was home. For some reason she felt as if she'd been on a long journey, but she had never left. It was well into the months of Water, not Air, and it was foaling season.
In a daze, she continued to cross the new garden to the old house. Inside, she found her mother getting the breakfast dishes out. “Good morning,” Ourna spoke absently.
“Goo…” Kayiera broke off. “Is something the matter?”
Ourna sunk into an old, familiar chair at the scuffed oak table. “I think I had a bad dream. We were attacked, and I got lost.”
Kayiera smiled knowingly. “You know, I had the worst dreams right after I Chose your father. I dreamed that he decided to run off, that soldiers came to take him away, that…”
Ourna laughed, coming back to herself. “Yes, Mother, you've told that story a hundred times.”
“I know, I know.” Kayiera sighed good-naturedly. “But I just want to remind you that change will do that. We've only just finished raising your house. Give it time.”
Looking up and down the table, Ourna asked, “Where are the boys?”
“Oh, two mares dropped last night. They've been up for hours.”
Ourna snorted. “Why did they let me sleep, then?”
Shrugging, Kayiera admitted, “Because I told them to. If you insist on doing your rounds through the Willows this week, you need extra rest.”
“Mother…” Ourna started to protest, but just then, Jiulan strode through the door.
“We got one healthy. About done with the other.” He continued over to
Ourna and tugged on her braid. “Morning, sleepy.”
Jumping up, Ourna clutched her brother to her, much to his surprise. “I had the worst dream, and you left me.”
“Don't be a goose, Ourna.” Jiulan kissed the center of her forehead. There was something about that action that troubled her, but she just squeezed him harder. “Um, you know I have to go teach, right? Have to get my days in before I go play militia with you.”
Ourna let go and sat back down, blushing. “Sorry.”
Three heads snapped around with the sound of someone bellowing. The sound got louder and clearer as the owner of the voice approached. Two men stormed into the room, both completely soaked.
“I didn't do anything, Kotari. The horse kicked over the trough…”
“You don't have to, Tremaen.” The grumbling from Ourna's father was taking on a lighter tone, but the other man sighed. Kotari turned his eye on Ourna. “You brought this on us.”
Yes, in the winter. She could remember the cords binding her hands to Tremaen's as she took him into her family. She laughed at her father. “I know. Not really sure what happened myself.”
And this was all real, more real than whatever nightmare had took her mind. She pushed herself away from the table and went to her husband, reached to trail her fingers in pine needle green hair. “I'm drenched,” Tremaen protested.
“So?”
“Ugh.” Jiulan grunted ribbingly. “It's going to be a long trip this season.”
Ourna turned and stuck her tongue out at her brother, then started to return to kiss her chosen, but her eye caught sight of a large purple butterfly at the door. She furrowed her brow. It was too early for such creatures. It fluttered madly. There was something familiar about it.
“No.” Ourna whispered. “No, it can't be real.”
Worried faces watched her.
“Keep your faith, and you will succeed.” The voice was in her head.
No, no, just one more moment to enjoy this, this what might have been. Let her hug her father, her mother. Let her embrace again the brother that never betrayed her. Let her kiss the man she may never again. The butterfly lifted off the doorframe and floated in the doorway.
Ourna disengaged herself from Tremaen. “Ourna? Where are you going?”
She said nothing, just put one foot in front of the other. Oh, that she wanted to turn back, but no matter how real it felt, it was illusion, and the butterfly was trying to show her the way. She sneaked one last glance back before stepping out the door, and tried not to think that her heart was breaking for the second time in a day.
She went to her knees in the dirt, dressed once again in gifts from Keriam and Teleri, and choked back tears. Voices came to her, though she didn't look up.
“You helped her, Keriam. That's not fair.”
“Neither are your tests, Annwyrn.”
Ourna felt a skinny arm snake around her shoulders and a chiming voice in her ear, and when she looked she saw Keriam, though she seemed…lessened somehow. “Come now. I don't think it's been that long out here. Your friends are no longer here, but neither are their corpses. Kierhan…” Ourna blinked. “Yes, he's helping, though he doesn't want you to know. He thinks they're all alive. With him, Teleri, or Cathair tracking one way, and me tracing your halfling friend another, we can find them.”
Ourna rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes and stood. “Are you…with me now?”
Keriam smiled. “We will see. At least until we find them, and I give you the gift I want to give you.”