So, for roughly three weeks, I've been sick with the cold. It's mostly gone; just some coughing, but it's annoying. Several days after getting sick, I started feeling down.

As in, “obsess over your problems, think too much, want to curl up and stay that way” down. I'm not full-fledged depressed — having been there, I can tell the difference. But it's not that far off, either. If you know me, you know that this isn't the first time I've been like this, but it's sticking around a bit longer than it usually does.

There are several reasons that I get this way, I think. Being sick, is of course, an obvious one. Also, I'm back in school again to finish off my degree … Since I work full time (and third shift) my sleeping schedule is utterly disrupted by this. It's only two classes, but given my major, that still means I'm on campus for six hours, not counting driving time. Only 45 minutes of that isn't a class. I get two hours of sleep after work, at best, then I go to class, come home and get (at best) six more. In practice, I'll probably get more like one hour before and four hours after, if that.

I'm also a nontraditional student. I'm surrounded by people fifteen years younger than me, so I've always felt somewhat disconnected from social life … which is worse now that I'm only going part time. And even if I wanted to go do something with anyone I might make friends with, I'm usually too tired.

And too broke, at the moment. Money is a persistent issue. This is the worst time of the year for me, financially. I like my job well enough … if I wasn't carrying debt, the only serious problem with it would be that it's somewhat boring at times, and I can usually cope with that.

But I do, and I don't make a lot where I work … just enough to scrape by, really. My tax return provides the cushion that prevents me from having to live purely check-to-check. Counting groceries and gas and such, my income is actually a bit lower than my expenses, so that cushion gradually declines over the course of the year. About the only good aspect of this time of year is that it works out to be right before the next tax return. If my cushion ran out sooner, I'd be screwed.

Naturally, this means that I have pretty much no wiggle room in my budget for such niceties as “paying more than the minimum payment” or “health insurance” (my cushion would run out a hell of a lot faster if I carried that). I make little progress on paying off debt and such, and if anything major happens healthwise, I'm going to be very, very, very screwed.

Basically, what all this boils down to is, my current lifestyle is untenable. The problems that I have now are, at this rate, not going to get better faster than they will get worse.

I need a higher paying job. Ideally, a significantly higher-paying job. With that, I could get out of debt on a timescale that feels achievable, and start building a life that doesn't consist of living hand-to-mouth. I could carry a sane level of insurance. I could make progress on my retirement and some savings. I could eat more healthy things (healthy food is more expensive than junk food) to ensure that I live long enough to care about retirement. Get a better place. Get a better car.

Maybe even meet some girl who is actually interested in me.